Newspaper article The Journal (Newcastle, England)

It's a Gangnam-Style Apocalypse That We Should Worry about; Columnist

Newspaper article The Journal (Newcastle, England)

It's a Gangnam-Style Apocalypse That We Should Worry about; Columnist

Article excerpt

Byline: Tom Gutteridge

ONE good thing about the world coming to an end this Friday is that we needn't worry about last-minute Christmas presents.

As conflagrations sweep the globe, or tidal waves, or meteors, or a Christmas single from Jedward, or whatever is going to cause our planet's destruction, we won't have to brave the Eldon Square Shopping Centre for the final gift roundup.

We won't need wrapping paper, and it doesn't matter that we can't find the end of the Sellotape.

We could blow our Christmas money on a holiday, except that there'll be nowhere to go, as the world will have ended.

Apparently over in California they're running out of underground bunkers and earthquake kits.

I'm really enjoying the apocalyptic theories doing the blog rounds. It's not just the end of the Mayan calendar on December 21 that we should be worried about. It's also the annoying I guess a herding be quite useful live off the land clouds have Korean pop singer Psy, with his even more irritating song, Gangnam Style. Apparently, he will bring to pass one of the key prophecies of that old con artist Nostradamus, who in 1503 is said to have warned: "From the calm morning, the end will come, / When of the dancing horse / the number of circles will be nine."

Now, as anyone who believes Wikipedia knows, the North Koreans refer to their country as Choson, which is loosely translated as "Land of the Morning Calm". And as 960 million viewers of Psy's wretched video will have seen, the centrepiece of his ghastly song is the "horse dance".

Apparently, on Friday the number of viewers of his YouTube video could reach exactly 1,000,000,000 hits (count the nine circles), thus civilisation will end, Gangnam Style. That's why there are panicky messages on YouTube calling for people to push the number of hits beyond a billion a few days early and thereby save the world. I kid you not.

As for Christmas spirit in the Gutteridge household, Jo and I have decided that, in the unlikely event that we do wake up on Christmas morning, we ought to have just one gift between us. So we've bought ourselves an English Shepherd. …

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