Newspaper article Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)

Flirting with Dentists

Newspaper article Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)

Flirting with Dentists

Article excerpt

I SAT in the dentist's waiting room and looked around for something to pass the time.

But apart from some leaflets and posters around the place explaining the importance of looking after one's teeth - a massive "I told you so, Myrtle" to everybody sitting there - there was nothing to read.

So all I could do was sit there and think about what was about to happen. This was not very much - it was only the dental hygienist for a small repair on a chipped molar and a scale and polish. Nothing at all to worry about...

Gary, stop now. My name was called, and the dental hygienist, a pleasant young woman, asked me to sit in the dentist's chair. I noticed a sign as I sat down which said the surgery was open until 8pm. My previous dental appointment had been at 8am. I got a B in my maths GCSE, so I quickly worked out that was a 12-hour day.

I didn't much fancy the thought of people who put drills in other people's mouths working 12-hour days. There must be a shift system in place, I thought, so I...

Gary, seriously, stop this now...

I'm sorry, who is this? I'm one of the voices which tells you what to think about things.

What, are you Twitter? No. You know how you've got a conscience which stops you from doing bad things? Kind of ... Well, I'm like that, but I'm the one which stops you from doing stupid things.

Right. So if that's true, where have you been for 41 years, matey? You are the worst "stopping people from doing stupid things" voice ever.

You never listen to me.

Why now? What stupid thing am I about to do? You're going to tell the readers what you said to the dental hygienist. It's a very, very bad idea.

Well, I know it was a stupid thing to say, but I've got a deadline, and it's not as if I've got much of a reputation to trash.

Don't say I didn't warn you...

Sorry, readers. …

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