Newspaper article The Journal (Newcastle, England)


Newspaper article The Journal (Newcastle, England)


Article excerpt


THE Red Lion Young Farmers' Club (average age 66, average wage enough to run racehorses and drink golf club bars dry) held its annual meeting this week. Here follow the minutes, which felt more like hours. PRESENT: Byreman (chairman), Farmer Fairbairn (in the chair), Banksy (minutes secretary), I Burn (chef and treasurer), Billy the Kid, The Lawnmower Salesman, Steve the Copper. The Brothers Karamazov from Felton, and Stripper (half-time entertainment).

APOLOGIES: Klondike (away to Cheltenham on tax-deductible fact-finding mission); Farmer Morebottle (Malaga, similar fact-finding mission).

Last year's minutes were duly signed as a true record by Shelagh the Barmaid as none of the attendees could remember what they were talking about on the night, a situation the Byreman drily noted as "normal".

A written proposal by Klondike, seconded by Klondike's Right Hand Man Billy the Kid (these ex-Coldstreamers stay as huggermugger as Masons), called for disciplinary action against the minutes secretary following "a series of disgraceful slurs" in recent Journal columns.

"Just because my name is Gold and I'm waiting for the concrete to be poured near the old sheep pens to support the 200-metre-igh wind turbines I've ordered, he's given me this silly nickname," moaned Klondike. "Every mart or show I go to they point the finger."

The Byreman, no fan of wind turbines (nor, for that matter, of anything invented since the Boer War) suggested a letter to the Editor threatening to cancel subscriptions; Not a good idea, decided Billy, both of them being obsessive Magpies fans and punters who depend on The Journal for team news and racing tips.

AOB? Very little Other Business, actually, save for the Lawnmower Salesman's complaint that news of his recently publicised move into push mowers was now known throughout the region's agricultural equipment industry. Most distressingly, all of his colleagues seemed overjoyed at his 'good fortune'. …

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