Newspaper article News Mail Bundaberg Qld.

Create a New Atmosphere to Reclaim Your Sex Life Together

Newspaper article News Mail Bundaberg Qld.

Create a New Atmosphere to Reclaim Your Sex Life Together

Article excerpt

Q We've been trying for a baby unsuccessfully for five years. Now I have no interest in sex at all. It is putting a lot of pressure on my marriage. Please help, what can I do to get in the mood?

A WHEN you spend a large amount of time and focus having sex for procreation purposes, the sex for recreation you share together very often can fall by the wayside. Sex together has a mission, a specific purpose, and if you spend too much time having that kind of functional sex, without enjoyment or even a desire necessarily for pleasure, you can create a situation - which you find yourself in - where sex becomes redefined, and while it can be difficult to make the switch back to enjoyment, it is definitely possible, so do please try to remain hopeful and proactive in your love life. When you've been having sex to make a baby, and after years and years it hasn't worked, sex can feel not just passionless or lacking in pleasure, but also a bit sad too. The hope, the frustration, the earnest desire or desperation for a baby can linger in the room and pop up in memories and feelings as you go to try to have sex now. That's a libido killer for sure. So if you've closed the chapter on conceiving yourselves, and are either not trying for a child at all, or looking at other avenues such as adoption or surrogacy, then you can reclaim your sex life together as one for recreation only and leave procreation behind. To move forward in this new frame of mind, several things have to happen, and you can work on them in a timeframe that feels comfortable to you. Don't rush the process or create pressure on yourself because it will only backfire and have you dreading sex rather than becoming excited about the prospect.

Give yourself time to heal. Moving on from the idea of you and your husband conceiving a baby through your lovemaking can be a difficult and painful desire to let go of. Acknowledge you may feel a little sad always, but tell yourself that sex is not a reflection of the love you share together and a space to relax and enjoy and block out the stresses of life and release into moments of feeling good. …

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