Newspaper article Sunshine Coast Daily (Maroochydore, Australia)

The Damaging Things That White Ant a Relationship

Newspaper article Sunshine Coast Daily (Maroochydore, Australia)

The Damaging Things That White Ant a Relationship

Article excerpt

Q: I CALL my husband "the king of sabotage". He knows how to win my affection, how to keep me happy (and I do for him too) but he either doesn't do it most of the time, or almost does and then goes and sabotages it with something neglectful or hurtful.

Why aren't more people talking about what those key things are that can destroy a relationship that aren't so black and white but eat away at it?

My husband doesn't believe me that the ways in which he undercuts what makes us happy could eventually lead to our splitting up.

A: There are some obvious ways to bring your relationship to an abrupt and painful ending, such as betraying your partner, lying or falling out of love.

But there are other, slower ways to kill a relationship and sabotage its potential. If you become aware of, admit to and fix these damaging patterns, you could save a relationship from unnecessary doom.

1. Withdraw love and communication during conflict. This is a typical response by many when fighting but in reality what it teaches your loved one is that your love is conditional.

That it's a fair weather love that depends entirely on whether your relationship is agreeable or not. Make it clear that your love doesn't rely on getting along.

You don't have to show passionate love and adoration when they irritate you or you are in a conflict, of course not. But in calmer times, ensure your partner knows that even if you're raging at one another, your love is constant. If your partner knows you need space and silence before you can calm down and decrease your hostility, that's a very different reaction to giving them the silent treatment to punish them.

If you make sure you and your partner feel loved no matter what, even when in crisis and conflict, it's easier to recover from the arguments and get back to feeling close. …

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