Newspaper article The Evening Standard (London, England)

Catch Up TV... Missed the TV Moment Everyone's Talking about? Alastair McKay Looks at the Shows You Should Have Watched (and Still Can) and Gives a Serial Update

Newspaper article The Evening Standard (London, England)

Catch Up TV... Missed the TV Moment Everyone's Talking about? Alastair McKay Looks at the Shows You Should Have Watched (and Still Can) and Gives a Serial Update

Article excerpt

Byline: Alastair McKay

KITSCH is an uncertain science. The moment at which something becomes so bad it is good is hard to predict, and there is an obvious danger in dabbling with badness. The Royals (E!) is certainly bad, but is it bad enough? This matter will surely be settled with the arrival of Joan Collins as the Queen Mother. Like Rastamouse, the bold Joan knows how to make a bad thing good. Indeed, she has spent her life on the vector between triumph and terror, and has an advanced degree in implausible dynasties from the University of Aaaargh.

Until then, we'll have to make do with Elizabeth Hurley as the Queen. Not, you understand, the real Queen. Liz's Queen Helena is devoid of majesty, though she does appear to exist in the present (there is a reference to Justin Bieber).

Helena rules over a parallel-Britain of tabloid sensibilities. She's sexy, with eyes recessed inside a bunker of kohl, like an anorexic panda demonstrating the London Look. Her family are an unruly bunch of halfwits, drug addicts, darts aficionados and shaggers. The head of security has a flat inside a clocktower, which only makes sense if it's designed to suggest, subliminally, that he's billeted inside Big Ben.

Oh, there's a king too, and he decides he's had enough of the scheming and the sex and the substance abuse and the darts, and elects (in a move that would vex constitutional scholars) to hold a referendum to abolish the monarchy. "What would you be if you weren't king?" his evil brother enquires. "No one's ever asked that," replies the King wistfully. "I would like to have been a fisherman."

Anyway. It's not about the king. It's about the queen. Her Majesty is having bad week. "Let me recap," she says. "My daughter's vagina was on the cover of no less than four tabloids. My first-born child was killed. My husband announced he wanted to abolish the only life I've ever known, and his footman nearly saw my snatch. …

Search by... Author
Show... All Results Primary Sources Peer-reviewed

Oops!

An unknown error has occurred. Please click the button below to reload the page. If the problem persists, please try again in a little while.