Newspaper article Daily Examiner (Grafton, Australia)

Breaking Bad.Bread

Newspaper article Daily Examiner (Grafton, Australia)

Breaking Bad.Bread

Article excerpt

Max

Crus

TWO thousand years ago someone fed a whole festival with just two loaves of bread, nowadays two loaves wouldn't feed anyone.

Look, I like crusty bread as much as anyone. I ate my crusts as a kid, neither scared of, nor wanting, hairs on my chest.

I like toasted Turkish and a bit of ciabatta with my wattle seed-infused peppercorn-dotted duck-liver pate.

The problem is - and maybe I am getting older and a little less able of jaw and tooth - I am heartily over hard bread and just as over bread with huge holes in it.

Even scooping my feta, quinoa and basil scrambled eggs onto the toast and letting it sit while my double-shot, double-decaf soy latte went cold (as did the eggs) couldn't soften the rock-hard rubbish they passed off as fancy Italian bread fit for human consumption.

My knife sure wouldn't cut it, which means it didn't cut the mustard either.

Even if you manage to cut the bits that register 5 on the Mohs scale of hardness, half flies onto the table, that alas has previously borne pooey, snotty-nosed toddlers enjoying their babycinos with their yummy mummy's on their morning tea tours of coffee shops after their Pilates classes, so there was no way you could eat it then. …

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