Newspaper article Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)

Peas Turn the Heat Up

Newspaper article Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)

Peas Turn the Heat Up

Article excerpt

Byline: gary BAINBRIDGE One man's struggle with the 21st century Follow Gary on Twitter: @Gary_Bainbridge or email him at

IF MY number of years on this Earth have taught me anything, it is this: if you try anything new, congratulations, you have found a new way to come to grief.

But occasionally I forget, or remember and do it anyway, like a small child warned by the waiter in a Chinese restaurant, after seeing Gerry Marsden playing Jack in Jack And The Beanstalk at the Liverpool Empire, not to touch that very hot plate.

I am governed by a wise man and a fool, but unfortunately it is the fool who has his hands on the steering wheel.

Last weekend I decided it would be a great idea to go to The Pictures, a term which nobody younger than me ever uses. Perhaps I would see one of those "talkies" they have these days, before going home to play a gramophone record.

Instead of choosing my usual cinema, I decided to go to an improving arthouse cinema, one of those ones where they have leaflets in the foyer, along with arts magazines written by students who do not get paid for it reviewing records by artists who do not get paid for recording them.

I was not actually going to see an improving arthouse film. That would be a step too far. I was going to see Ant-Man, which is not, as you might have thought, a film about Dec spying his friend in the distance and attempting to attract his attention.

It is a Hollywood blockbuster about a man in his 40s who makes himself small and is consequently trampled on by people. I have no idea why it appealed to me.

Anyway, this particular improving arthouse cinema offers a wealth of high-end snacks. Even the popcorn has a degree in English from Oxford and a bolthole in the Dordogne. And I chose a bag of wasabi peas.

I do not know if you have ever had wasabi. It is a form of horseradish which the Japanese eat. It is green, like Kryptonite, and hotter than the sun's surface, and in a sensible world would be classed as a chemical weapon by the UN. But it is also quite addictive.

I had never had a whole bag of wasabi peas before. The wise man said it would be a bad idea. …

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