Newspaper article Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)

Pass, on the Pin Money

Newspaper article Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)

Pass, on the Pin Money

Article excerpt

Byline: THE CHRONICLE MONDAY, OCTOBER 5, 2015 gary BAINBRIDGE One man's struggle with the 21st century Follow Gary on Twitter: @Gary_Bainbridge or email him at gary.bainbridge@trinitymirror.com

HE neon glow of a sign across the street sent a shaft of red light into the alley.

TMac fastened his double breasted jacket and adjusted the brim of his fedora. "Are you sure this is the place?" asked the bombshell. She had legs like Betty Grable and arms like Betty Grable and a face like Betty Grable, and that was why she was generally considered the best Betty Grable lookalike in Brooklyn.

Mac looked at her. This was one classy dame. "Sure is, doll. Down here." He was going to take her to the best secret cocktail lounge in town, where they had Coca-Cola in actual bottles rather than from a draught nozzle. It was just at the end of this alley.

Notty Grable stood next to a trash can and a fire escape and a discarded New York newspaper with an incongruously huge headline for that time, and there was probably some steam coming out of somewhere, while Mac knocked three times on the iron door.

A hatch in the door slid open, and a man with an eye patch and a glass eye stared out. "Yeah?" he said. Mac turned to the dame, and gave her a big wink and thumbs up.

"Joe sent me..." he said. "Nope," said the man with the eye patch and the glass eye.

"But, that's..." said Mac. "Oh! I know, J - ZERO - e s - THREE - nt me!" "Nope," said glass eye. "One more try."

"Um... OK, J - ZERO - e s - THREE - nt me, but all in lower case?" "Nope," said glass eye, and he slid the hatch closed.

Mac hammered on the door. "I forgot the underscores!" he yelled. "Let me in!" But to no avail. "You are rubbish," said Notty Grable, as she sashayed off.

That was a true story, and I understand how poor Mac felt back in the past in the mean streets of Brooklyn. Although I would never wear a fedora, as this is 2015 and I have self-respect.

I own one of those mobile phones.

I am not saying that to brag, but as a high-powered media operative of the sort Jeremy Corbyn hates I find it invaluable for tweeting angry messages about the state of the nation, the Labour party, and my bus. …

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