Newspaper article Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)

Hristmas. Traditions Cover It in Lights and Colourful Balls, and That Is Why I Am Coming Those Presents They Were Wouldn't Have a Clue in Knit's Not a Tradition

Newspaper article Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)

Hristmas. Traditions Cover It in Lights and Colourful Balls, and That Is Why I Am Coming Those Presents They Were Wouldn't Have a Clue in Knit's Not a Tradition

Article excerpt

Byline: THE CHRONICLE MONDAY, DECEMBER 21, 2015 gary BAINBRIDGE One man's struggle with the 21st century Follow Gary on Twitter: @Gary_Bainbridge or email him at gary.bainbridge@trinitymirror.com

HRISTMAS traditions are great, and I approve of them wholeheartedly.

CIt is good that we eat turkey, even though we do not really like it.

People say they do - but if we liked it we would eat it at other times of the year. "What are we having for dinner, mother?" we would ask, in a turkey-loving world.

"Can we please have something that tastes like a dry chicken and is also the size of a Rottweiler?" And those people who say, "Oh, we're having goose/ostrich/a seven-bird roast this year for a change. We're fed up with turkey," are missing the point.

You are not meant to like the things you have at Christmas. If you do, you are lucky, but that is not the reason why the traditions are there.

Why else would you bring a tree into your house? If you tried that at any other time of the year you would be considered insane.

But at Christmas not only are you allowed to bring a tree indoors, you are encouraged to do so, and then to cover it in lights and colourful balls, just because your parents did it.

And you would be mortified if, at another time of the year, you were encouraged to wander around your neighbourhood, knocking on people's front doors, and singing lustily until you were paid to go away.

Try that in August and see how far you get.

These traditions are there to reassure you that the Christmas you are giving your children is the same sort of Christmas your parents gave you.

Now, admittedly, all traditions have to start somewhere, and I cannot imagine the distress of the first Yuletide cook faced with an unplucked turkey, or the first hospitalised child faced with Noel Edmonds, but the best ones, the ones that stick, are the ones which take Christmas seriously.

Yes, they can be silly, like the paper hats we are forced to wear during Christmas dinner, and which perch on my enormous head like a sort of blinged-up pimple, but they come from a place of affection for Christmas. …

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