Newspaper article Evening Gazette (Middlesbrough, England)

We'll Only Wash When Trump's Been Trumped

Newspaper article Evening Gazette (Middlesbrough, England)

We'll Only Wash When Trump's Been Trumped

Article excerpt

Byline: LINDSAY BRUCE The chaotic life of a working mum

THE schools are on holiday, we said.

That would be the perfect time to get some work done on the house, we said. Well, for the record, never trust anything we say!

Oh how foolish we were. I think when it comes to home improvements I exist in a bubble of wishful thinking.

Because your run-of-the mill lunchtime "do a house up in half an hour" shows exist I'm sure my brain has filed "decorating" in a compartment marked "quick and painless" where as the exact opposite is true.

On this occasion we finally got to book the builders and order a log burner all ready to be fitted during the "relaxed" two-weeks off when the boys don't need to be at school. In reality it meant knocking down a fireplace, plastering walls, building a hearth and then cleaning the inch-deep layer of dust that's settled everywhere. It's even in every drawer. I am going to have to wash everything that I own.

In a fit of rage last night on discovering the hamper where my bed linen is stored had also been infiltrated, I began concocting stories to explain our new found love of filth.

At the moment I'm liking "we'll only wash when we know Trump has been trumped".

It makes no sense, so will fit the mesmerizing world of Donny T perfectly.

I say finally, in regard to getting round to actually purchasing our new stove, because we've had several false starts on this one.

| Insert dream Saved up, round one. We were hit with a PS1,000 gas and electric bill. When we finally got the ombudsmen involved and clawed our pennies back and ordered the stove for a second time, the car packed in en route to Scotland. Bye bye dream fire, hello practical family car.

This time, however, despite needing a million other things, we were adamant that it was to happen. Currently, we are midway through. Bricks have been removed, mess had been made, but no fairytale has emerged from the destruction just yet.

What I do have is two children with cabin fever. Thanks to the rain we are all indoors together.

And thanks to the building work our entire living room has been squeezed into the already-small dining room. …

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