Newspaper article Daily Examiner (Grafton, Australia)

Devils, Cows and a Goldfish

Newspaper article Daily Examiner (Grafton, Australia)

Devils, Cows and a Goldfish

Article excerpt

STRANGE POLITICS

CHRIS CALCINO

FROM trouser-dwelling devils to swapping cattle ships for leaky refugee boats, the animal kingdom has been thoroughly dragged through the mud in this week's election race.

First a quick description of the Tasmanian devil: a tumour-plagued critter with bone-crushingly powerful jaws which can eat up to 40% of its body weight in a single day.

Not the kind of beast you would like near your big toe, but North Queensland Liberal MP George Christensen would rather fill his pants with the ravenous creatures than make nice with hippies.

Responding to Labor ads claiming he was making deals with the Great Unwashed Greens, Christensen set the record straight in typically colourful fashion.

"I would rather shove two Tasmanian Devils on heat down my pants or eat mung beans for the rest of my life (it's on par with the Tassie Devils thing!) than do a deal with the Greens," he wrote on Facebook.

This should come as no surprise.

In 2014, Christensen told parliament "the greatest terrorism threat in North Queensland, I'm sad to say, comes from the extreme green movement".

So he would likely get a better reception from devils in his undergarments than a Byron Bay drum circle anyway.

Then there was our resident would-be pooch assassin, who prolonged his war of words with counterfeit pirate Johnny Depp.

We have all seen the to-and-fro: Depp told US talk show host Jimmy Kimmell that Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce looked like he was inbred with a tomato and might explode at any moment.

There was no explosion, only an admission from Joyce that he now suffers from vegetable body dysmorphia.

First he called himself Depp's own personal Hannibal Lecter, referencing the brain-eating Silence of the Lambs madman. Then the dark truth emerged.

He does not consider himself the lovechild of man and the unprocessed topping of meat pies. …

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