Newspaper article Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)

Who's the Yorkshire Pudding, Now?

Newspaper article Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)

Who's the Yorkshire Pudding, Now?

Article excerpt

Byline: gary bainbridge One man's struggle with the 21st century. Follow Gary on Twitter @Gary_Bainbridge or email him at gary.bainbridge@trinitymirror.com

IHAD to have one of those meals out to discuss a professional matter that people have, and I thought I had better do it quickly before the banks ran out of money and you could still buy olive oil in this country.

When I arrived, my dining companion was already there. I was late, owing to a complicated sequence of events which started with a broken shoelace, took in a drunken man trapped in the door of a bus, and ended with me being caught up in some sort of parade or protest march. It is hard to tell the difference these days.

I sat down and apologised, and I began to explain, but we both decided after a while it was best that I stop.

The table, I noted, was quite wobbly. This did concern me. I well remember the Birmingham Event of 2012, in which I forgot about a wobbly table in a well-known chicken restaurant, right up to the moment I leant on it in order to stand up, and landed in a pool of peri-peri, thereby inventing the term "a cheeky Nando's".

The waiter appeared. He told me his name and that he was going to be serving us and I immediately forgot his name because I do not think anybody has ever remembered a waiter's name.

This is because nobody ever uses a waiter's name. It would make you sound either over-familiar, or like a toff in pre-war India summoning a servant.

Anyway, I ordered roast beef and Yorkshire pudding and none of that foreign muck, thank you very much, because I know which way the wind is blowing, and my dining companion and I began to discuss professional matters of the highest national importance.

And when I was halfway down my glass - too early to ask for another, but not early enough that I would not be worried that I would run out during my meal - our waiter returned with the food. He placed it in front of me, and the reason I never order roast beef and Yorkshire pudding immediately became apparent.

There is no restaurant plate big enough to accommodate a cateringsize Yorkshire pudding and all the other items one reasonably expects from a roast dinner. …

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