Newspaper article Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)

Merry Time That Causes a Ding Dong

Newspaper article Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)

Merry Time That Causes a Ding Dong

Article excerpt

Byline: MIKEMILLIGAN It's a funny old world

I'VE finally got me decorations up.

It's a seasonal dad duty like shovelling snow off the path or snoring during the Great's supposed to be fun apparently.

The first part of this annual ordeal involves getting into the loft.

Back in the day, I used to effortlessly swing up into it like a wartime B17 bomber pilot athletically entering his cockpit through the forward belly hatch. Not any more pets. Now I'm feebly grasping at the sides like an obese, mullet-sporting redneck trying to desperately hang into the skids of a rescue chopper as floodwater washes his trailer park home away.

After ending up on my backside more times than a one-legged can can dancer, I finally heave myself up, only to realise I haven't a Scooby flippin' Doo where I've put the decorations.

Consequently I usually have a good radge at myself for last year's attempts to put the decoration boxes in a more logical and accessible position. It's like the 'safe places' you make for telly licences, dishwasher warranties or spare car keys.

They disappear into parallel universes only to magically re-emerge four years into the future when they are as useful as VHS tape of your brother's engagement party to his mental ex at Tuxedo Junction in 1982. You rummage around in the semi-darkness like an archaeologist in a Pharaoh's tomb, unearthing long-lost delights like a Breville toaster, your bachelor pad black ash nest of tables, that signed and framed Keith Gillespie shirt you 'won' at an auction and spent a week on huffy couch for.

Gradually, decorations are totally forgotten as you come across more timeless delights from the past.

You gasp upon uncovering your vinyl collection and lovingly run your hands over the utterly rare 12-inch, green vinyl edition of a Ramones single. …

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