Newspaper article The Evening Standard (London, England)

London's Modern Moral Maze; from How Much You Analyse Your Uber Habit to Where You Keep Your Washing Machine, Nick Curtis Has a Guide to This Summer's Dilemmas

Newspaper article The Evening Standard (London, England)

London's Modern Moral Maze; from How Much You Analyse Your Uber Habit to Where You Keep Your Washing Machine, Nick Curtis Has a Guide to This Summer's Dilemmas

Article excerpt

Byline: Nick Curtis

LABOUR MP Rebecca Long-Bailey's declaration that it is "morally unacceptable" to take an Uber because of the company's employment practices opens up an ethical can of worms. But where do most Londoners stand when confronted with the other moral conundrums of modern London life? And remember, be honest in your answers.

1.) When a date takes out his/her phone and taps away on it for five minutes or more, the correct response is to: a) Wait patiently -- it's pointless to complain about "phubbing" since everyone does it. b) Surreptitiously check to see if they are not on Tinder, Grindr, etc, looking for someone better, and if so, walk out.

c) Snap your fingers under their nose until they pay attention -- if they still refuse, grab their phone and drop it into the ice bucket.

2.) Avocado on toast is: a) A great healthy snack. b) A pretentious hipster fetishisation of a scarce foodstuff that uses unconscionable amounts of water, but god it's tasty.

c) The hors d'ouevre of Satan.

3.) When employing a builder or cleaner, the first thing that you do is: a) Insist that all payments must go through their bank accounts and be subject to tax and VAT because paying them in cash would be robbing the Exchequer.

b) Offer to pay in cash because you feel a terrible stab of guilt about not doing the work yourself.

c) Demand to see their passports and birth certificate and accept ONLY third-generation Brits rather than Poles, Portuguese, Fillipinas, etc, as your contribution to the "Brexit bounce".

4.) Every time you buy a bottle of water you tell yourself that you are: a) Keeping hydrated. b) Keeping the economy buoyant by spreading your money around rather than just, y'know, getting the stuff out of a tap.

c) Choking another lazy, unproductive dolphin with discarded plastic waste.

5.) If you cycle in London, you: a) Always cycle on the road. b) Sometimes manage to cycle on the pavement.

c) Always cycle on the pavement.

6.) Things like promoted ads on Twitter or Tesco sponsoring a float at Pride are: a) A fine example of the brand finding a symbiotic niche in popular culture, supporting the host while bringing its own "story" to new consumers. b) Irksome, but acceptable, because where would London's impoverished youth be without those branded popup bars and free events? c) A symptom of the Illuminati plot to take over the world through mind control.

7.) In a heatwave it is acceptable: a) For schoolboys (and indeed men) to wear skirts and women to wear beachwear to the office. b) For men to wear shorts to the office and women to wear bumcrackcut-off denims but ONLY if they have the figure for it and ONLY under the age of 30.

c) For men to remove their ties and loosen a top button and women to wear skirts above the knee but not at Ascot of Glyndebourne. …

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