Newspaper article Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)

Exposing Real Conspiracy

Newspaper article Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)

Exposing Real Conspiracy

Article excerpt

Byline: @choochsdad MIKEMILLIGAN It's a funny old world

WE dwell in a world of the unexplained, where mystery and myth exist in the shadows and conspiracy weaves its secretive web through the corridors of power.

Well that's what the conspiracy theory heed-the-balls, rogue bloggers and 46-year-old goth blokes who live with their mums say. In a fantasy parallel world where Elvis allegedly shot Kennedy, they genuinely believe a Government that can't even sort out an outfit to run the East coast Main Line properly is so sinisterly omnipotent that it can cover up all traces of the existence of aliens.

Givowwer! For instance, they'll question if Trump really was a Russian plant (with plant being the operative word) for if the man's apparent IQ were any lower, we would indeed have to water him twice a day).

Phenomena like UFOs though? Hmmm. I don't deny that, in the vastness of the universe, or even our own galaxy, there must be other life forms capable of space travel.

However, no matter which alien world you come from, journeys to earth ain't gonna be cheap.

Why would an alien astronaut, probably the best and brightest they've got, travel light years to our planet to then just stick a probe up a bloke with bad teeth in an Italia 90 tracksuit from remotest Cornwall who lives in a VW camper van? Surely he would do better to land on the White House lawn rather than creating a pattern for a Led Zep album cover in some Glastonbury cornfield (are these possibly alien students on some cosmic wind-up?) The recent tape of an alien autopsy was eventually revealed as a hoax - but it was too late to stop it influencing the lowest point of Ant and Dec's career with a film of the same name. What about the real mysteries of the universe, such as how a recent minister thought the environment a school is set in has no impact on the kids' life chances. …

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