Newspaper article Evening Gazette (Middlesbrough, England)

Pie Judging Is No Gravy Train

Newspaper article Evening Gazette (Middlesbrough, England)

Pie Judging Is No Gravy Train

Article excerpt

Byline: gary bainbridge One man's struggle with the 21st century. Follow Gary on Twitter @Gary_Bainbridge or email him at gary.bainbridge@trinitymirror.com

ILIKE a pie. While I do not really have the frame of somebody about whom it would be suggested that he be the main suspect in the Who Ate All The Pies? Mystery, I am happy to admit to have eaten at least some of the pies.

Nevertheless, until fairly recently, I would not have been considered an expert in pies. No longer.

For the past couple of years, owing to a complicated series of unlikely events, I have been a judge at the British Pie Awards.

Whenever I tell people I am a judge at the British Pie Awards - and if you spend any more than 38 seconds with me, I will tell you this - they say one of two things.

The first is "What makes you an expert on pies, Gary, apart from the fact that you've clearly eaten a few?" I reply to this, "I am a judge at the British Pie Awards. That is what makes me an expert on pies." I do not care that this is circular reasoning. Facts mean nothing these days.

The second is, "You lucky thing (sometimes they do not say 'thing'). That must be the best job in the world. All those pies. Pies are great. I hate you."

And in many ways, they are correct. Pies are great and it might well be the best job in the world. But do not let yourself think it is an easy ride.

Let me explain by sweeping aside the Pie-on Curtain and taking you through what happens when you are a judge at the British Pie Awards.

You get off the train at Melton Mowbray and make your way to the beautiful St Mary's Church.

Melton Mowbray is a pretty town which tells you that it's the home of pork pies and Stilton cheese about as often as I tell people I am a judge at the British Pie Awards.

You are provided with a white apron and, after a short introduction which impresses upon you the seriousness of the task ahead, but includes a small number of pie-related jokes, you find your category table. You see, judges only pass judgement on one type of pie. It is not a pie free-for-all, or pastrymonium. If you're on meat and potato, all you will eat that day is meat and potato pies. …

Search by... Author
Show... All Results Primary Sources Peer-reviewed

Oops!

An unknown error has occurred. Please click the button below to reload the page. If the problem persists, please try again in a little while.