Newspaper article Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)

Hard to Explain How Inefficient Service Is

Newspaper article Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)

Hard to Explain How Inefficient Service Is

Article excerpt

Byline: MIKEMILLIGAN It's a funny old world @choochsdad

AS I sit and pen this article, I feel the inner radgie a-risin'!

The gas people have just called to remind us that they're sending out the engineer today.

Would that be the same one it took us an hour of telephone chess to cancel yesterday? Givowwer!

Should it ever be this hard to explain stuff? Explaining - by definition it's talking to people who don't understand.

Most explanations require further explanations. More than three times means you don't understand either.

Complex explanations make people feel clever and stop people jumping to often glaring conclusions.

"I can explain everything," is feeble. This is because your explanation will never be as convincing as the explanation the person has already arrived at.

For example, turning up at a casualty department and explaining the painfully-wedged banana by explaining you've been vacuuming naked and slipped on the fruit bowl, will never trump the scenario the staff have already scripted in their heeds.

Explanations are rarely simple. If they were, they wouldn't be needed.

Nothing is self-explanatory, in the same way that no board game is ever fun for all the family.

So, explaining to the faceless utilities is a bit like talking to that mate in the pre-smartphone past who always turned up in at the wrong pub at the wrong time without enough cash to go clubbing. "Ah, I thought ye sez 10 o'clock at the Pig and Whistle?" Idiot, everyone knew our little group's neet oot schedule by heart. It was ALWAYS in the Bacchus bar by 10!

No matter what time you turned up, you knew where the troops would be. The system worked.

So back to my dark journey through utilities underworld...

Now before I go on, a disclaimer is required. …

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