Newspaper article The Florida Times Union

Creampuffs Don't Go Down like Before

Newspaper article The Florida Times Union

Creampuffs Don't Go Down like Before

Article excerpt

Mikey likes . . .

Vanderbilt (5-3) at Florida (7-1): You know what the problem with college football is today? The creampuffs, cupcakes and Moon Pies of yesteryear refuse to stand by timidly and take their 50-point beatings like they're supposed to.

Doormats and dungeon-dwellers just don't know their place anymore.

Was Mikey the only one who was absolutely appalled this week to find -- and I can't believe I'm writing this -- THREE teams from the state of Mississippi in the Top 25 poll? That's right, count 'em: One Mississippi, two Mississippi State, three Southern Mississippi in the Top 25.

You can't have three teams from Mississippi in the Top 25, can you? What's next? Three grads from the Florida Coastal School of Law on the U.S. Supreme Court?

Ask yourself: Do we really want teams from Mississippi (state motto: cable spools make great coffee tables) flocking into our great state for bowl games?

At the Citrus Bowl in Orlando, Mississippians will pour into Sea World toting cane poles and leave with a dozen bottlenose dolphins on a stringer. And the halftime entertainment at the Outback Bowl in Tampa will consist of 80 Jerry Clower clones simultaneously executing the "pull my finger" trick at midfield.

Not even Vanderbilt knows how to lose gracefully anymore. The Commodores are 5-3 and need but one more victory to clinch their first winning season in 16 years.

When Vandy coach Woody Widenhofer was asked recently about the possibility of the Commodores selling their home game against Florida to the City of Jacksonville next year, he replied: "We're going to beat Florida one of these days. Whether it's in Gainesville, Jacksonville or Nashville."

A Vandy coach talking trash is like Marilyn Manson singing hymns.

By the way, this will be the breakout game where Doug Johnson gets out of Steve Spurrier's doghouse once and for all . . .

Florida 55, Vanderbilt 17

Florida State at Open Week: So there's this Grammar 101 class at Florida State University, and the teacher asks, "Does anybody know what comes after a sentence?" And three football players stand up in unison and answer, "An appeal. …

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