Newspaper article Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)

Saga That Takes Biscuit

Newspaper article Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)

Saga That Takes Biscuit

Article excerpt

Byline: MIKEMILLIGAN It's a funny old world @choochsdad

THE continentals have a term for the last piece of cake or sweet on a plate; it is known as the 'piece of shame'.

It says much about a person as to whether they will take the offending portion.

Maybe it should be a secret test for Boris or Jeremy who aspire to the highest office: "Well, Minister, he got a double first from Oxford, won gold in the triathlon in Beijing and made MP at 27 but the greedy **** ate the last bourbon cream without asking if anybody else had a gob.

"I wouldn't trust the evil get as far as I could push Mike Ashley and Lee Charnley on a two-wheeled, homemade bogey.

Emotionally, be it cake, Mohicans or nights at the proms, something being the 'last' of anything really resonates with me.

This idea of 'the last' has a powerful place in our culture - from serious subjects like The Last Supper or the sounding of the last post to last orders and 'last one in's a wimp.' I wonder how many of us have, deliberately or unwittingly, done something 'for the last time' recently.

Maybe even today. It's quite poignant, even perhaps a bit sad when you think about it.

Indeed, I found myself pondering which things I'd done for the last time and came up with quite a list. At 55, I doubt I'll ever again enact the floorboard creaking, middle of the night, room swapping ninja routine in a girlfriend's house.

Nor think of an excuse when I bumped into her fatha.

No. Sadly, the only time I'm up creeping about at that hour nowadays is as a result of my ever-growing need for nocturnal nettie visits (although it does now clear up the mystery of why so many lasses' middle-aged dads were mysteriously prowling the landings back then).

Sadly, I'll probably never walk back from a nightclub at 4am with a road cone on my head, listen to Bowie for the first time, or think of an excuse why my essay wasn't in by Friday. …

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