Newspaper article The Journal (Newcastle, England)

Stop Focusing on What You Lack and Life Will Reward You

Newspaper article The Journal (Newcastle, England)

Stop Focusing on What You Lack and Life Will Reward You

Article excerpt

Byline: Carrie Carlisle

IFEEL like it took me a long time to get pregnant the second time around.

I'm aware some people struggle for years. A friend of mine waited a decade. In my case, 15 months was just about long enough for the selfdoubt to creep in.

Had I left it too late in life to have no than one baby? Was I in a futile battle with my own biological clock? Should I simply be grateful that I got to have even one child? Many years ago, I called an engagement off. OK, I called a wedding off. Quite awkward.

But I did so with the strong belief I was making the right choice, and knowing that I may have thrown away my chance of having a family - making the decision that I'd rather be single and childless than be with the wrong person, just for the opportunity to be a mother.

It's a mistake I've seen far too many people make, male and female.

So, the fact that I held out until I met the love of my life - and we still had time to have a baby together - was incredible. Almost unbelievable, really. I won the life lottery, there's no other way to describe it.

So, all this hankering after another child. Was it just greed? Had I forgotten how much I had been given? Because, honestly, it took over my life, not being able to get pregnant again.

It felt like everyone around me was having babies, young and old. The older ones bothered me far more, truth be told.

And being jealous of other people isn't how I roll. It never has been. I felt like a horrible person, someone incapable of being happy for others.

A friend from one of my birthing classes got pregnant again by accident. And I was honestly angry. Which is appalling. Who feels like that? Not a nice human. Not a good person, that's for sure.

It had to stop, all of the badness inside of me. I had to let it go. Because I realised that's why some people are so chronically bitter. …

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