Newspaper article The Evening Standard (London, England)

There's an Awful Lot of Totty in Brazil

Newspaper article The Evening Standard (London, England)

There's an Awful Lot of Totty in Brazil

Article excerpt


OBVIOUSLY, a footballer's looks have absolutely no relevance to his talents on the field, and therefore it is wholly spurious to comment on them.

But this column is concerned with superficiality, just as Brian Sewell's is concerned with depth. Which is why this point must be made: when Brazil coach Luiz Felipe Scolari said the beautiful game was dead, he wasn't joking.

What a bunch of spanners!

Anyone hoping to lust over the Brazilian players during the next few weeks will have to make do with Ronaldo, who, while hardly a gargoyle, is a bit too "cheeky chipmunk" to be truly hot. It seems almost too cruel to mention his team-mate Ronaldino, whose wet-look perm is far dodgier than the muchmaligned Brian May's. And that's not even mentioning his teeth: on a footballer's wage, you'd think he could stretch to a bit of cosmetic dentistry.

How odd that Brazilian women are so gorgeous when their menfolk are so grim.

For men, the traditional way out of the ghetto is by practising your ball control: the life of a professional footballer is every man's, er, goal. For women, the equivalent passport to paradise is being spotted by a modelling agency.

The huge international success of Gisele Bundchen has inspired a thousand young Brazilian girls to follow in her footsteps: save for the drawback of having to date Leonardo DiCaprio, no better life could be imagined.

Gisele isn't the only Brazilian in demand on the international catwalks.

Raven-haired Caroline Ribeiro is a favourite with Tom Ford for Gucci, while Fernanda Tavares is a fixture in every Versace show. Donatella also loves the sultry good looks of Isabelli. Ana Claudia, meanwhile, is a favourite of Marc Jacobs and John Galliano at Dior.

What do all these models have in common? Apart from their nationality, they all look killer in swimwear. Longer, lither, more cellulite-free limbs can barely be imagined. Of course, Brazilian women have a well-known penchant for plastic surgery, but it would be bad grace to put these models' fabulous appearance down to a dalliance with the surgeon's knife. Sometimes, facts just have to be faced. …

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