Newspaper article The Florida Times Union

Looking for Entertainment? Don't Forget Club Beach

Newspaper article The Florida Times Union

Looking for Entertainment? Don't Forget Club Beach

Article excerpt

Byline: Bill Longenecker, Shorelines columnist

The grizzled Beach Curmudgeon speaks.

The obese person with pierced nose and lip passed me coming out of the store. Rings graced most of her fingers. Despite the "decorations" and "stylish" accessories, the person was still very overweight, but did fit the profile that advertisers love. One can buy the right stuff and cover an unpleasant reality.

As late summer arrives, Club Beach wants you to know that fall offers the perfect opportunity to enhance reality. The dues are free. Others' fall fees can be high.

"More teal for less green." This clever sales pitch has some hidden costs. For $120, one can have a seat high in the stadium to watch guys play for you 10 times. I once got free tickets to an AFL all-star game at the Gator Bowl. I have never been a big football fan, but I took two kids and went. My first observation was, "I can't really see what's going on from way up here." That's about where the "cheap seats" are.

The $120 ticket is just the up-front price. The other costs may include expensive food prices at the game, game day parking, baby-sitting expenses and time lost to waiting for 60 minutes of field time. Lost time may include that spent driving or riding to and from the game, added to the three to four hours spent at the game.

During that maybe six to eight hours, one could actually enjoy Club Beach. (It's fashionable to place "Club" first.) Club Beach is open 24/7 and offers many recreational choices for the entire family.

For runners and walkers, there is a multi-mineral-fine grain surface that comes with a six-hour automatic self-cleaning cycle. The surface does vary in width and angle, offering a nice challenge. Astute clients will discern a richly textured surface that includes quartz, zircon, rutile, ilmenite, leucoxene and calcium carbonate. Even a trace of gold is possible.

The surrounding scenery includes rolling dunes decorated with sea oats. Collectors will find a variety of shells and sharks' teeth. The eastern boundary for Club Beach includes a body of richly brewed green-blue tea also known as the "ocean." This full-bodied tea offers unlimited recreational challenges.

Almost daily, small to large watery hills arrive to create beautiful natural forces that can propel CB club members at varying rates of speed. Members need only be able to swim and perhaps have a personal play device.

These PPDs may include, but are not limited to, rafts, boogie boards, long and short surfboards, kayaks, inner tubes, sailboats and windsurfing boards. The more devices one owns, the more days one will find suitable play conditions.

For examples, surfers with a long AND a short board cover almost all of the surf conditions. For small, smooth waves, a long board (8 to 10 feet) gives one enough glide factor to enjoy waves in the knee- to waist-high (1 to 3 foot) range. …

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