Newspaper article St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO)

Cutting Loose in South County

Newspaper article St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO)

Cutting Loose in South County

Article excerpt

Jane Hirstein doesn't seem like the sort of woman who'd let a man tie her in a car.

But then, he didn't seem like that kind of man.

Jane swears this story is true. "I couldn't make it up," the South County woman said.

I couldn't make it up, either. But I could change some names. Here's what Jane said happened:

Jane went to a giant discount hardware store to buy a chair rail.

"The rail was about 14 feet long," she said. "I thought I could carry it in my car, but it wouldn't fit. A nice man at the store said he would tie it on my car."

Jane was impressed by his thoroughness. For the first 10 minutes.

"He tied. And he tied. And he tied and he tied. He roped it over my car and through my windows.

"He kept saying, `Here, throw this rope through,' so I did.

"He used enough rope to tie a refrigerator to my car, instead of a chair rail I could lift with one finger.

"I should have tipped him, I guess, but he made me late. It took him 20 minutes to tie on the chair rail.

"I was going to call my friend, Shirley, and tell her why I was late. But the whole thing was so funny, I drove to her house to show her. I pulled up in Shirley's driveway and started to open the door."

It wouldn't budge.

"I was tied in my car," Jane said. "I couldn't get out."

The chair rail rope was looped over, under and through the car. She couldn't open any door.

"I knew Shirley was home. I started calling, `Shirley! Shirley!' She didn't hear me. I honked the horn until I was sure the neighbors would complain, but nobody came out."

Jane gave up on Shirley and her neighbors.

"I thought, `Well, I'll just go home to my condo. There are people around who can help me.'

"First, I went to my building and honked. Jenny is always home. She'd get me out of this. I honked and honked, but nobody came out.

"I went to the next building. Linda, the condo saleswoman, is always there."

Not this time. …

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