Newspaper article St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO)

How Not to End Up with Egg on Your Face

Newspaper article St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO)

How Not to End Up with Egg on Your Face

Article excerpt

Dear Readers: I recently asked readers to answer this question: "If Percy doesn't pull through in granting my request, what are my other choices?" I asked you to write me in care of "D.P.A.Y.E.I.O.B. (Don't Put All Your Eggs In One Basket)."

Many of your suggestions on ways to save money for a rainy day were appreciated:

Hold garage sales

Barter services

Quit vices

Buy secondhand

Use coupons

Buy in bulk.

The following five $200 winning entries were selected because they represent both ends of the spectrum - the very real and the very silly:

Dear Percy Ross: I could borrow a pair of knee pads and rent myself out as a seeing-eye dog who can actually read road signs. Or, I could rent my wife out as a scarecrow since she's yelling most of the time and can scare birds out of trees in the backyard without opening the windows. On the other hand, I could start a day care service and then turn around and rent the kids to single guys since this combination is irresistible to single females. Better yet, I could genetically engineer a new strain of hairless minks so we would have someplace to put all that fur that no one is wearing anymore.

Dear Percy Ross: Here are my suggestions:

Play the lottery.

Borrow from a relative, with no promise of when I will pay it back.

Get another job, as I only have three now.

Go to a consumer counseling agency for help.

Declare bankruptcy.

Commit suicide.

Pray that my leaky roof won't get worse.

Pray that my bad car brakes will hold just a little longer.

Pray that I won't get sick.

Dear Percy Ross: If you don't grant my request, there are several options: Write you again using an alias. Write you again, and hope you forgot you said no the first time. Write you again, and mention that I forgot to tell you how handsome you are. …

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