Newspaper article St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO)

Want to Give Batons a Twirl? Hit the Catalog

Newspaper article St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO)

Want to Give Batons a Twirl? Hit the Catalog

Article excerpt

Despite Olympian efforts by CBS, some frozen stones have been left unturned at Little Hammer, as Ron Caron calls it.

Pat O'Brien, the overly slick host of CBS' late-night coverage, is missing a bet for a regular feature.

"Separated At Birth" would offer photographic evidence of possible celebrity siblings. To wit:

U.S. figure skater Scott Davis and Blues goalie Curtis Joseph.

The Tonya watch in effect for the past week is a journalistic disgrace.

Some 1,500 newshounds are stalking Tonya Harding. Not one checked to see if the Biker Babe on Skates tried to sneak through security with a collapsible baton, alias retractable baton, alias tactical baton.

It's been nearly two months since her ex-husband, Jeff Gillooly, hired some Joe Pesci wannabes to apply said baton to Nancy Kerrigan's knee.

This weapon differs from those wielded by drum majorettes and symphony rapster Lenny "Slats" Slatkin.

Why is the press corps afraid to describe this instrument of fear?

Separated At Birth: Gillooly and Julia Roberts' husband in "Sleeping with the Enemy."

To close the intelligence gap on batons, we obtained - don't ask how - the 1994 spring catalog of "U.S. Cavalry - World's Finest Military and Adventure Equipment."

Batons and their ilk are found on pages 72-73. If these real ad excerpts strike your fancy, call Cavalry (1-800-777-7732) to order:

Automatic Baton ($39.95): "It's spring-loaded, and a tap on the floor returns the baton to the compact position. Fits on a pistol belt, etc."

Tactical Batons and Scabbards ($54.95, $49.95; scabbards $13.95, $12.95): "Thick-walled steel tubing with a non-slip foamed vinyl grip. Black chrome for concealment."

Airweight Baton (New! $64.95, New! $69.95): "The convenience of the billy with the performance of a full-size baton. Made in USA."

Spring Billy (Price BREAKthru $14.95): "The flexible device telescopes from 7" (18cm) closed to 16 1/2" (41cm) of steel-handled, whipping and coiled protection."

The Kerrigan Caper has not provoked a Cavalry charge on batons. …

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