Newspaper article St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO)

Morning Briefing Eye Openers

Newspaper article St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO)

Morning Briefing Eye Openers

Article excerpt

Parking, $10. The sign is a real eye opener, all right. For $10, you can get a parking spot right across the street from Kiel Center.

And now that you've parked there and realize you don't have enough money for that $55 seat for a team that hasn't played there yet, what do you do?

Enough, already.

Maybe the owners, with their odious salary caps, have the right idea. Let's cap everything.

Let's have a concession cap. Fifty cents for a soda.

Let's have a ticket cap. Five dollars for the best seats in the house. A dollar for the cheap seats.

Let's have a parking lot cap. A dollar a car.

Let's have a souvenir cap that everyone can wear.

If the owners want to put a ceiling on players' salaries, there should be a ceiling on the owners, too.

Perhaps tonight when the owners and players come trick-or-treating in their Halloween costumes, the players could wear salary caps. And the owners dunce caps.

Those are two of the outfits suggested by WOODY WOODBURN, a columnist for the Star-Free Press in Ventura, Calif.

Some of Woodburn's more intriguing suggestions for Halloween costumes:

BUD SELIG as EDGAR BERGEN and RICHARD RAVITCH as CHARLIE McCARTHY.

DONALD FEHR as SCROOGE.

Judge LANCE ITO as Judge KENESAW LANDIS.

GLENN ROBINSON as a panhandler.

BUDDY RYAN in a horse costume (of course someone else will have to wear the front section and head).

ART SHELL as CHUCKLES THE CLOWN.

JAY SCHROEDER as JEFF HOSTETLER.

RIDDICK BOWE as the TIN MAN (no heart), JIM EVERETT as the LION (no courage), LA Clippers owner DONALD STERLING as the SCARECROW (no brains) and GEORGIA FRONTIERE as DOROTHY (no home . . . for next season).

KARL MALONE as a postal carrier.

MICHAEL KATZ of the New York Daily News has a question and some jokes for us to ponder.

Who are the claimants to the heavyweight title?

If you can't answer that question then you'll understand why GEORGE FOREMAN and LARRY HOLMES should not be laughed at for challenging for those titles. …

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