Newspaper article St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO)

Morning Briefing upon Further Review

Newspaper article St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO)

Morning Briefing upon Further Review

Article excerpt

The Upon Further Review staff is finally getting out to the mall this weekend to do some Christmas shopping. That $545 BOBBY KNIGHT doll (pictured in Thursday's Post-Dispatch) doesn't interest us - can you imagine looking at that thing on your dashboard every day? - but we are putting some pennies together to buy the new GABRIELA SABATINI doll.

They are going fast, despite the brisk $2,495 price tag. Half of the 100 limited-edition figurines have already been sold. Look at the special features of this keepsake item:

Human hair, though apparently not Gabby's.

Hand-set eyelashes.

Trendy Sergio Tacchini tennis wear, including an authenic sports bra.

An accompanying motivational book, "My Story," geared for children 8 and older (or particularly dim adults).

No word on whether the manufacturer, the Great American Doll Co., is also considering a TONYA HARDING doll. Some of the special features UFR would recommend would include.

Authentic cheap mascara.

Cheesy, Las Vegas-style sequin tights.

An accompanying technical book, "Shawn's Plan," which outlines retaliatory tactics for the simple-minded.

Elsewhere in the weird world of sports:

The UFR Colorful Analogy of the Week came from Ohio State defensive coordinator BILL YOUNG, referring to that ugly 63-14 loss to the Nittany Lions. "After Penn State, I felt like whale manure on the bottom of the ocean."

Hey, Bill, we've all been there.

The UFR Caffeine-Related Disturbance of the Week occurred in a girls basketball game in Vero Beach, Fla. - where Lincoln Park Academy of Fort Pierce picked up six technical fouls in a 35-31 loss to St. Edwards.

The game was called with 78 seconds left in overtime when Lincoln Park coach MAINA "Maniac" MACK refused to leave the gym after earning consecutive T's. The Lincoln Park girls then tipped over their chairs and trashed the dressing room for good measure.

"Nobody kept their composure," said Mack, whose team earned three technical fouls in the first 97 seconds of the game.

"It was a little scary," said St. Edwards forward BEKAH BLOCK.

The next time Lincoln Park hits the road, let's hope they don't stop for a round of 16-ounce coffees en route to a game.

Another indication that some scientists have too much time on their hands: A Kirkland, Wash., environmental technology company is developing a user friendly basketball court made of ground-up, recycled athletic shoes.

Each court requires just 10,000 old shoes.

The UFR Weird Educational Gesture of the Week came from ROD BAXTER, coach of the 0-15 York College basketball team. He ordered his team to score three successive layups for Midland Lutheran to put it over 100 points.

Midland won the game 124-69. "They were working to score 100 points and we decided to score them for them," Baxter reasoned. The point? He wanted to show his team that the game score didn't matter all that much. …

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