Newspaper article St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO)

Morning Briefing

Newspaper article St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO)

Morning Briefing

Article excerpt

What's the matter, Bunky? Tired of the daily grind . . . the hours are piling up and the boss is making your life miserable . . . the copying machine is firing blanks . . . the job's got you down?

Well, buck up. You could be in the opening day lineup for the Colorado Rockies. Just dial (303) 292-0200, the Rockies' hotline for replacement players, and make your case.

"We've had some guys who claimed to be sandlot legends in Brooklyn," said PAUL EGINS, Rockies assistant director of player personnel. "One guy said, `I've never really gotten a chance to play, but seeing is believing.' We've also gotten calls from fast-pitch softball players. That's been a real popular one."

Applicants can make their best sales pitch to a voice-mail system. Not all of those calling are Joe Blow. The club has received more than three dozen inquiries from former major-leaguers, minor-leaguers and college players - not all of whom are in their formative years.

"Some of them have been in their 40s," general manager BOB GEBHARD said. "We're getting a lot of guys who've decided that, after not playing for 20 years, this is the perfect chance."

And here's one some of the major-leaguers might think about: A 38-year-old businessman, who hadn't played since his sophomore year in college, wrote a two-page letter saying he would pay the Rockies for a chance to play.

*****

EYE DROPS:

Great to see St. Louis is meeting all the obligations to the Rams. Now, when do the Rams talk about their obligations?

If LOU ROE and Massachusetts played Maryland and the Terrapins coach was still BOB WADE, we'd be looking at Roe vs. Wade all over again.

It is now painfully obvious why ANDRE AGASSI wore his hair long.

Dr. RICHARD KIMBLE has ceased looking for the one-armed man and began searching the Georgetown bench for JAHIDI WHITE.

JERRY TARKANIAN would make a good assistant city treasurer.

I thought a "drop-dead date" is when you ask your date if you could see her again and she says, "Drop dead."

This is the final, final, final, final, final Eye Drop today.

Isn't ROBERTO DURAN approaching mandatory retirement?

*****

This summer, when I'm putting together a scramble team for the prestigious Butt-Head Open at Forest Park, I'm calling KIM JONG II. …

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