Newspaper article St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO)

Don't Blame Us: Afc Here by Default

Newspaper article St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO)

Don't Blame Us: Afc Here by Default

Article excerpt

Super Bowl Week finally has arrived, and from coast to coast, you can feel the excitement building to a fever pitch as Americans from all walks of life focus their full attention on the nation's premier sports attraction: the O.J. Simpson trial.

But here in South Florida, we're hoping that some people also will notice Super Bowl Week. We've put a tremendous amount of effort into making this a fun-filled festival of events, each one more exciting than the last, climaxing with what many knowledgeable sports observers believe will be the worst football game ever played.

This is not our fault. The problem is that through an incredibly boneheaded blunder on the part of the Super Bowl organizers, an American Football Conference team once again has been allowed to participate. You'd think the organizers would know better, considering that the AFC has lost every Super Bowl since the Spanish-American War, culminating in last year's fourth consecutive loss by the Buffalo Beefs, who gave up so many points that powerful Harvard University computers are still trying to tabulate the final score. You'd think the Super Bowl organizers would say: "OK! That's it! No more AFC teams! From now on, we'll just have the NFC team run out on the field by itself and do jumping jacks for an hour! It would be more competitive!"

But no, they invited the AFC again, so this year's game is going to feature the San Diego Electrical Voltages, whose qualifications for being here are:

They are not the Buffalo Beefs.

They have a player named "Natrone Means."

Opposing the Voltages in this year's Super Bowl will be the NFC-champion San Francisco Bay Areas, who are favored by something like 19 touchdowns, and who plan to spend Super Bowl Week ordering room service and practicing the Victory Gatorade Dump.

But we don't care if the game stinks. It's supposed to stink: That's why we call it the "Super Bowl." Besides, this week is not about a game: This week is about professional sportswriters eating free food by the metric ton. …

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