Newspaper article St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO)

Morning Briefing Eye Openers

Newspaper article St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO)

Morning Briefing Eye Openers

Article excerpt

Landlubber that he is, Chicago Tribune bard BERNIE LINCICOME just couldn't resist firing a couple of broadsides at the yachting yahoos who get all atwitter over the America's Cup:

"I see by the old Rolex under the French cuffs that it's time again for the America's Cup, a gentleman's sailing competition that has gone straight downwind ever since they started allowing guys to drive the yachts who didn't own them.

"The America's Cup is now so politically eager that it has an all-female crew on one of the challenging boats, and a good crew it is, too. The women whipped the only skipper anyone ever heard of the other day, DENNIS CONNER.

"As I understand the rules of the game, Conner now has to change his name to BOBBY RIGGS."

Inspired by the women's crew of America3, Lincicome had a brainstorm, proposing these teams for the next America's Cup:

The All-Ecology Crew. Wants to call attention to endangered species. Just to make sure that no one eliminates any more fauna while they are gone, they will take two of each animal with them when they sail - all except cats, which can take care of themselves.

The All-Friends of Tonya Harding Crew. Will plea bargain before sailing in order to save time later.

The All-O.J. Simpson Attorney-Talk Show Hosts Crew. Aims to settle once and for all which there are more of. Until a decision is reached, no one will be left on shore to watch the race.

The All-Information Highway Crew. Plans to do the whole thing by computer without ever leaving the dock. Out to show that virtual reality is better than the real thing because no one gets sunburned or chapped lips in Cyberspace.

The All-Rodman Crew. Between legs of a race, each crew member will change hair color and get a fresh tattoo. Demands to play by its own rules, which includes using a diesel.

On the heels of MICHAEL JORDAN's fantasy foray into baseball, we bring you . . . MARTINA NAVRATILOVA, first basewoman (or outfield person).

Seems Navratilova, who has retired from most tennis competition, will have a private tryout with the Colorado Silver Bullets, a women's professional baseball team.

"She's interested, and they're talking," publicist LINDA DOZORETZ told The Atlanta Journal-Constitution. …

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