Newspaper article St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO)

Morning Briefing Eye Openers

Newspaper article St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO)

Morning Briefing Eye Openers

Article excerpt

Now that the deal sending the 'Diques of Nor from the frozen ponds of Polar Bear Country, a k a Quebec, to the Smile Nigh City of Denver, columnist BOB KRAVITZ of the Rocky Mountain News decided it was time to test the hockey knowledge of the American pucks follower. Let the quiz begin:

1. Which of the following is not a Nordiques player:

A) STEPHANE FISET

B) PIERRE TRUDEAU

C) JOCELYN THIBAULT

2. JAROMIR JAGR is:

A) A really nasty German liqueur that tastes like Robitussin and will have you singing BARRY MANILOW's greatest hits on the top of the bar after two shots.

B) The deposed leader of the Czech Republic.

C) The Broncos' latest free-agent signing.

D) One of the three most exciting players in all of hockey.

3. The two-line pass is:

A) Something male yuppies try on unsuspecting female yuppies at singles bars.

B) The move that made JEAN BELIVEAU famous.

C) An illegal maneuver that could be eradicated if only the NHL would get rid of the red line (the previous was an unwarranted editorial comment).

4. Which is the English translation for the Canadian word "eh?"

A) "You're an ignorant American and you wouldn't know a forecheck from a shin guard."

B) "You mean you don't serve Labatt's Blue here?"

C) "Eh?"

5. The greatest thing about hockey is:

A) The penalty shot.

B) No cheerleaders.

C) The fact that hockey players don't take themselves so seriously that they can't do in-between periods television interviews.

6. The Denver team should be called the:

A) Denver Bears.

B) Denver Orphans We Got Because Comsat Is Richer Than God And MARCEL AUBUT Is A Bit Of A Weasel.

C) Colorado Orphans We Got Because . . . well, you get the idea.

D) Colorado Mighty Pucks.

7. Find the hockey star:

A) CAM CAMERON

B) Cam The Ram

C) CAM NEELY

8. Goaltenders are:

A) Brain-damaged hockey players who enjoy pain.

B) Heavily armored fat guys who've been hit in the melon too often, eh?

C) Marvelously athletic men with remarkable hand-eye coordination and intelligence (look at all the ex-goalies who are general managers). …

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