Newspaper article St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO)

You'd Better Behave until You Get Rich

Newspaper article St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO)

You'd Better Behave until You Get Rich

Article excerpt

IF I'VE SAID it once, I've said it a thousand times. Celebrities and rich people have all the fun.

For instance, they can trash out hotel rooms any time they want, something the rest of us never get to do. We aren't even allowed to think about doing such a thing, lest others call us crazy and lock us up somewhere. But even so, every so often, I'll walk into a really nice, pristine hotel room, and my first inclination is, "Boy hidee, wouldn't it be fun to trash the heck out of this place!" I know you're exactly the same way.

But you and I then must banish that inclination forever in the recesses of our minds, while a celebrity, on the other hand, can just go ahead and start tearing up things till the cows come home, and a bunch of cows can be tons of fun.

Melanie Griffith recently was accused of trashing a private residence she had rented, but the story said her children were with her, so the damage could have been due to normal wear and tear. I think we should give Melanie the benefit of the doubt, what with Don Johnson having barrels of fun all over the United States and embarrassing her half to death.

My favorite albeit vicarious fun time was Kiefer Sutherland's knocking out a guy who tried to lick his girlfriend's foot in a Toronto pool hall. I read about that in their engagement announcement, and was I ever envious. Those things just don't happen to normal people.

Women, when was the last time somebody tried to lick your feet in a pool hall?

Men, have you even once punched out somebody trying to lick your woman's feet in a pool hall?

A group of rich Germans recently flew over a fleet of 20 Mercedes Benz Gelaendewagens at no telling what expense. A Gelaendewagen, which means mountain wagon, is built to roll over rocks 2 feet high, while barreling straight up mountainsides. They'll go anywhere, do anything. Anyway, once in the United States, the drivers and their Gelaendewagens toodled off through Utah, Arizona and Colorado, using Jeep trails whenever possible. …

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