Newspaper article St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO)

Morning Briefing upon Further Review

Newspaper article St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO)

Morning Briefing upon Further Review

Article excerpt

Perhaps you are having a tedious winter. Maybe your life just isn't all that interesting. Maybe you wish you even had a life.

If so, then BORGE OUSLAND is here to make you feel better. This intrepid polar explorer is nearly halfway into his solo crossing of the Antartic continent, and polar exploration fans are agog.

Ousland is on a record pace! He covered the first 750 miles in 42 days - for a staggering average of nearly 18 miles per day. As a publicity dispatch gushed, "The pace is impressive because Ousland is walking uphill against a hostile environment all the while pulling a sledge packed with 375 pounds of rations and equipment."

(What happened? He didn't have a Diehard battery in his Explorer?)

Though this seems like an epic waste of a human being's time, the Sector Sports Watch folks are promoting Ousland like he is another KEN GRIFFEY JR.

"Borge has been very clever to keep his course as near to a straight line as possible," said another Sector-backed explorer, LIV ARNESSEN, in that news release.

(What's with the sports watch deal? Shouldn't this thing be sponsored by a sports calendar firm?)

Ousland has trounced British explorer ROGER MEAR, who finally got a clue and asked to be airlifted from the icy trail. Team Ousland had this official somber response: "A decision like this is the most courageous of all. To cross Antarctica alone, we believe, is on the outer limits of what is humanly possible."

It's also on the outer limits of relevancy, but let's not rain, er, snow on Ousland's parade. Hope you thaw out by Easter, big guy!

Elsewhere in the weird world of sports:

Just when it seemed like we'd never get TONYA HARDING back into Upon Further Review, her bodygard SHAWN ECKARDT sued the minister who squealed on his conspiracy to maim NANCY KERRIGAN.

He wants $6 million from EUGENE SAUNDERS, according to his suit, for exposing him to being "humiliated, embarrassed and generally scorned" such that he "should be compensated for his . . . generally adverse notoriety."

Eckardt has a point there, since millions of Americans regard him as a moron. Surprisingly, Eckardt did not demand compensation for all that high-level security work he missed while sitting in prison.

The UFR Crummy Excuse of the Week came from skiing legend ALBERTO TOMBA, who tossed a crystal trophy cup at free-lance photographer ALDO MARTINUZZI - who thoughtlessly circulated old photos of Tomba sitting nude in a sauna.

Tomba claimed he tried to toss the cup to his sister from the awards podium and, you know, sort of missed. The photographer suffered cuts and bruises. "It's absurd that the image of a great athlete . . . can be obscured by such a useless episode . . . I'm embittered as a man and as a president," said CARLO VALENTINO of the Italian Ski Federation.

Touchy, touchy. Scratch Valentino from the list of possible GARY BETTMAN successors.

Life in the MTV Generation. …

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