Newspaper article St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO)

PATRIOT GAMES; IRS Scandal; Getting in on the Tax-Exemption Dodge

Newspaper article St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO)

PATRIOT GAMES; IRS Scandal; Getting in on the Tax-Exemption Dodge

Article excerpt

Last week, after the news broke that Internal Revenue Service agents in Cincinnati had been giving extra scrutiny to applications from conservative groups for tax-exempt status, I immediately downloaded IRS Form 14449, the "Self-Declarers Questionnaire IRC 501(c)(4), (5) and (6) Organizations."

I've been wanting in on this sweet tax dodge for years. Until now, I've been afraid that agents easily would know I was a fraud. But now, with the heat on, I figure that agents will be bending over backward to prove that they're totally nonpartisan. The more rabidly conservative I can make my organization sound, the more likely it is that I'll get 501(c)(4) status.

I'm filling out Form 14449 right now.

Part I, Line 1: Name of your organization

Patriotic Tea Party United for Taking America Back from the Commies, Liberals, Immigrants, Gays, Feminists and Soccer Fans Who are Sending it Straight to Hell (PTPUTABCLIGFSFWSSH).

Part I, Line 2: Employer Identification Number

Don't have one, don't want one. Why would I want to be a number in your computer? I get an employee ID number and the next thing I know, your jack-booted government thugs will be at my door, demanding my guns, my farm animals and my copy of "Going Rogue."

Part I, Question 9: Is your organization claiming tax exemption as described in Section 501(c)(4)? Check the box that best describes your organization.

Hmmm. I'm not a volunteer fire department or a religious organization. I'm not a veterans organization. I don't do recreation facilities/activities. I think I'll check "cultural organization" since PTPUTABCLIGFSFWSSH is trying to restore America's culture back to where it was in 1955.

I'm tempted to apply under Section 501(c)(6) as a professional sports league. After all, who deserves a tax exemption more than a league full of billionaires and millionaires? But I'll stick with (c)(4), as a social welfare organization, because it's so vague nobody knows what it means.

Part II, Question 12: Enter the percentage of your organization's revenue, expenses and staff/volunteer time dedicated to each of the following activities . . .

Hold it right there. I don't have any revenue to declare because I'm not tax-exempt yet. The whole purpose of this exercise is to attract revenue from rich people, spend it on fancy offices, travel, consultants, big staffs and high salaries and if there's anything left over, buy an attack ad on local cable.

I'm trying to use the tax code to enrich myself so I have plenty of leisure time to complain about the deficit and high taxes. Sure, it makes things tough for legitimate social welfare organizations, but people ought to stand on their own two feet and not bother us good, hard-working, non-tax-paying Americans. …

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