Last week, it was reported that a microbrewery in Ferguson will
release "Watermelon Saison" beer this coming Thursday. I tried to
This news came on the same day that I was being driven to
distraction by the full-sleeve tattoos that entirely covered the
arms of Mat Latos, 25, of the Cincinnati Reds. Again, I tried to
On this very same day, I had to calm myself down when a colleague
said she didn't see what was so bad about "twerking."
Long ago did I vow that as age, with his stealing steps, moved to
claw me in his clutch, I would not be one of those Cranky Old Men.
My mind would stay open. I would embrace the sweet bird of youth,
even if the bird was stupid. Having always been pretty cranky, this
has not been easy.
I looked it up: "Saison" is a type of ale. People, typically
yoots, who see nothing wrong with putting fruit in beer, and then
discussing it endlessly, drive me nuts. So does the generation that
has turned making a cup of coffee into a sacramental rite. So do
people who take photographs of food they are about to eat and email
them to their "followers."
For that matter, the term "followers" drives me nuts. I remember
when only people like Jesus Christ had followers.
But I try to stay calm, even when the music is irritating. In my
own yoot, there were annoying Cranky Old Men who complained about
the music. I do not want to be one of them.
(On the other hand, may I just point out that the music of my
yoot was Elvis, the Beatles, Motown and Johnny Cash and here were
are, 40 or 50 years later and it's still being played. Do we think
people will be humming Miley Cyrus tunes in 50 years? Thank you).
(Speaking of which, I know all the words to Tom T. Hall's "Old
Dogs, Children and Watermelon Wine," which is not only a great song,
but correctly identifies the appropriate beverage for watermelon.
I'm saying this calmly).
I try to stay calm every time I confront the term "youth
culture," which I would regard as a total oxymoron if I were a
Cranky Old Man. Hey, great. People are covering their bodies with
tattoos. People are watching TV shows about people who cover other
people's bodies with tattoos.
Wonderful, terrific. All of reality TV is just great. It does not
rot brains or contribute to the national attention deficit. I
embrace it. Every bit of it. Yes-siree.
Here's why: guilt.
Baby-boomers and Generation X-ers have totally hosed all these
Gen-Y millennial yoots. …