Newspaper article The Tuscaloosa News

Tusk Editor's Note: Sept. 21

Newspaper article The Tuscaloosa News

Tusk Editor's Note: Sept. 21

Article excerpt

It's so cute when out-of-touch folks try to noodle out a little fanfare for the common man.

New Yorker cartoons have made strides, to be fair. They've traveled from as oblique as Sunday crossword clues about Umberto Eco to mildly amusing at times, worthy of a dry chuckle, perhaps even a chortle, with the right wine accompaniment. A recent 'toon from Paul Karasik shows pies smushed in the faces of a child, a man and a senior citizen. It's titled The Three Stooges of Man.

Polite golf applause. For the effort.

Details matter. This would have been more effective with a rusty saw raked across a lumpy skull, a chisel wedged up flared nostrils and a hot iron smacked to the smoking seat of occupied trousers. Sure the Stooges occasionally applied pie to deserving puss -- it's a slapstick staple -- but they were much more comfortable with heavy metal implements churning over pressure points; acupuncture with a nail gun. For Moe, Larry, Curly and Shemp, a pie fight would be mere foreplay to the orgy of violence wrought from a well-stocked tool shed.

And Shakespeare wrote about seven Stooges, not three, of man: All the world's a stooge, and all the men and women merely knuckleheads. They have their Nyah-ah-ahs! and their Woop-woop-woop-woops!, and one doll in her time has many moving parts. At first, the sock-a- bye baby, born awful young, delivered by a buzzard; then the schoolboy in the gymnasium, standing next to the dumbbells. He's the one in the hat. You're very light on my feet. Hold hands, you lovebirds! Then comes Duck, Dodge and Hyde; they grow on people, like warts. One of us is crazy, and it's not you; so pure of heart, so dim of wit. Niagara Falls! Slowly I turned .... Remind me to kill you later, ignoramus. Soitenly! Father died dancing, you know, at the end of a rope. That's all there is, there ain't no Moe; sans noggin, sans peepers, sans tarantella, sans the whole megillah.

Speaking of talking down, Jay Leno learned he is not, in fact, smarter than a third-grader when he tried to interview Quvenzhane Wallis. …

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