Newspaper article Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (Pittsburgh, PA)

Romney's Missing More Than Just Cookies

Newspaper article Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (Pittsburgh, PA)

Romney's Missing More Than Just Cookies

Article excerpt

Life is a lottery and -- as the observant among you may have noticed -- a few fortunate people are given winning tickets the moment they arrive in the world.

Those with a special advantage are often born 1) wealthy 2) good looking 3) the sons or daughters of distinguished families.

As for myself, I think strike three has been called in the great ballgame of my life. But this is not an outcry of resentment or call to class warfare.

For in regards to wealth, I feel lucky to have a job that pays for a small but nice house and a fridge with some beer in it. As for good looks, well, that would have only spoiled my delicate personality. As for distinguished parents, mine were not well-off but they were rich in affection and laughter. Their motto was: "Who needs money when you're funny?"

With blessings like that, I am content. Indeed, it strikes me that if you are a graduate of the University of Hard Knocks, and have a degree of concussion, perhaps with an added diploma in the breeze-shooting arts, you have learned a thing or two about life that money or pedigree can't buy.

That being so, it is my belief that being born with every advantage can be a terrible disadvantage. Which brings us to Mitt Romney, the Republican presidential candidate, as you knew it would.

The other day the wealthy, good-looking son of a distinguished family came to suburban Pittsburgh and met with some regular voters and sniffed at some cookies that were set out for them.

It is important first to understand that cookies are sacred totems in the Pittsburgh culture. Why, it is the custom hereabouts that a cookie table be set out at wedding receptions. Indeed, it is actual grounds for divorce in Pittsburgh to fail to provide a cookie table at a wedding, which is seen as a type of mental cruelty.

OK, I made that up. Of course, it is the lack of the chicken dance at a Pittsburgh wedding that is grounds for a divorce, but that does not diminish the importance of cookies -- and anybody that says different is a crumb.

Moreover, these cookies set out for Mr. Romney at the Bethel Park Community Center were special cookies -- they came from the Bethel Bakery, which in local lore is a Valhalla of cookies, a sacred place where noble sugar and flour depart their own lives to be baked into heroic creations. …

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