Newspaper article Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (Pittsburgh, PA)

In Praise of Conservatives, Pies at the Ready

Newspaper article Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (Pittsburgh, PA)

In Praise of Conservatives, Pies at the Ready

Article excerpt

Slowly I turned, step by step, inch by inch." Students of humor will associate this line with some of the founding clowns of American comedy, such as Lou Costello and the Three Stooges.

These famous words were spoken in a skit about a cheated husband who was moved to fury by the mention of Niagara Falls. Yes, it's funny what sets some people off.

But today, slowly I turn, step by step, inch by inch, to embrace a topic that I have studiously avoided for the past two months. Sadly, I cannot avoid it any longer. The subject of my column is life and part of life is ... that thing which drives everybody crazy.

No, not cell phones.

I speak timidly here of politics. It appears my name associated with politics has a Niagara Falls effect on some clowns. This is hardly fair to me, as I am less gushing than Niagara Falls.

Unfortunately, there's no avoiding politics any longer now that Chief Justice John Roberts, who once promised to be the umpire calling the balls and strikes, has made a makeup call in favor of the White House home team. Previously, his crew had made calls that stunk the joint out.

Of course, it wouldn't do to have a crew of ideological despots appointed for life thought of as biased by those of us in the cheap seats, so in my opinion he did what he had to do, making the fans who expected to be glad sad, and those who expected to be sad glad, thus confusing everybody.

(His was a strange opinion. Apparently if a penalty in the health care law walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it is a tax duck - - and never mind that Farmer Obama denied having such a duck.)

As the chief justice made abundantly clear, it is now left to everybody else in America to have the last word on how this works out.

And that is good. We can now actually have a debate in this country about something real and substantive -- health care, and what a tyranny it would be to have no more pre-existing conditions for insurance purposes, nor have premiums currently swelled by $1,000 on average per family (a figure cited in the Supreme Court opinion) so that all the moochers who don't pay insurance can be covered by the rest of us. …

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