Newspaper article Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (Pittsburgh, PA)

Catfish on Ice: Can You Hum a Few Bars?

Newspaper article Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (Pittsburgh, PA)

Catfish on Ice: Can You Hum a Few Bars?

Article excerpt

The only thing that's dead solid certain about this Stanley Cup final is that a great country song will come out of them.

There's no other foreseeable outcome for the exploits of Jake Waddell, self-described "dumb redneck with a bad idea," who shoved a catfish down his britches so he could smuggle it into PPG Paints Arena and toss it on the ice on Memorial Day.

That he ran it over with his truck a couple of times beforehand to flatten it, and doused it with Old Spice to sweeten it, only shows ol' Jake knew how to fill out a second verse.

I may know even less about country music than I do about hockey, but I spent most of the 1980s in the Blue Ridge Mountains, 219 miles south of Pittsburgh as the crow flies, in Roanoke, Va. I rented a room in my house to a songwriter who went by the nom de plume Ramon C. Quagmyre.

Ever heard "Bedford Friday Night" or "Aunt Sylvia vs. Godzilla"? Well, they're a couple of toe-tappers, I'm telling you what.

I punched "Quag" into my phone and his number popped out of my past. I left him a voice message Tuesday night with the essentials: one strange Nashville Predators tradition; one truck-flattened, scented catfish; one "drunk redneck with a bad idea"; and three criminal charges against said redneck (later withdrawn) that included possessing an instrument of crime.

Then I went to sleep and dreamed of Dolly Parton.

Quag's song arrived in my email not long after 6 a.m.

Having bad ideas can be a way of life

It don't bother my neighbors, my hound dog or my wife

But the folks up in Pittsburgh didn't think that it was nice

To feed a fish to the Penguins as they skated around on ice.

(Chorus)

I am an ignorant redneck, a catfish down my pants

I soaked it all night in Old Spice, the smell never had a chance

I hope they put me on the Jumbotron, so everyone can get a glance

Of the ignorant redneck, with a catfish down his pants. …

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