Newspaper article Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (Pittsburgh, PA)

'Ode to March's End'

Newspaper article Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (Pittsburgh, PA)

'Ode to March's End'

Article excerpt

This column of doggerel, proving that some things never change, originally ran in late March 2000 and is reprinted Monday with a slight variation.


Late March is so mean,

still cold but things is green,

still winter in early spring;

late March is so mean

* * *

Late March is so dumb,

like eating with an extra thumb;

It just hangs out, like a bum;

late March is so dumb

* * *

Late March is so funny,

ground is soft, skies is runny;

gestatin' the Easter bunny;

late March is so funny

* * *

Late March makes me ache

for April things that March can't fake,

like baby birds, plays at the plate;

late March makes me ache

* * *

Late March is so cruel,

makes us use more fossil fuel,

it's what makes April 1st a fool;

late March is so cruel

* * *

Late March is like a guest

that sticks around and leaves a mess

and soon becomes a major pest;

late March is like a guest

* * *

Late March is a pretender,

cleaves to spring but doesn't send her,

doesn't deserve a public defender;

late March is a pretender

* * *

Late March is so lame,

doesn't have a claim to fame,

gets a chance but isn't game;

late March is so lame

* * *

I'd kill late March if I could,

and give its days for good

to August, or to Hollywood;

I'd kill late March if I could

* * *

Late March blows its wad

next Saturday, thank God! …

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