Home Truths about Child Sexual Abuse: Influencing Policy and Practice - A Reader

By Catherine Itzin | Go to book overview

8

Once I was a child and there was much pain

A glimpse into the soul of an incest survivor

'Nancy E'

This chapter consists of a collection of drawings with captions by a woman who was aged twenty-eight at the time of their original publication in 1988. It is the story of her experience of incest as a child. This contributor like 'Rachel Pearce' (chapter six) and 'Alice Edwards' (in chapter seven) uses a pseudonym to conceal her identity as a victim of sexual abuse as a child. These are the words that accompany the drawings:

I was a child once and there was much pain. I am a woman now and I speak of that pain through my art Here as a chapter in this book I share it with you.

Oh Daddy! … NO
The scream within is deep and silent.
I am bad.
Oh isn't she pretty! Would you like to use her?
I am not seen. I am not heard.
All is torment.
Where are the faces?
The dream. I am alone. The room is boarded, window and door. There is no escape.
Not a dream. Imprisoned.
I am hurt. I am torn.
We musn't see this. Why do we see this!
Another dream. My coat is strong and warm. I know not of the key.
The idea of death was good.
I am breaking into pieces.
Evil in all its forms threatens to engulf me.
I am the family toy.
Watched. Used. Left.
Born female. Used child. Tormented creature.
I draw all that I am.
Insecure hide away.
I know they are there.

-141-

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