In 1998, Lisa’s friend Dan invited her to a birthday party so that he could introduce her to his friend Steve. She liked Steve from the start, and they began dating in spite of rumors that he and Dan were involved. Lisa saw these rumors as people buying into stereotypes of men who had some feminine attributes, and she paid no attention to them. After all, Dan was married with a child, and Steve had children from a previous marriage. Her relationship with Steve blossomed quickly. He was everything she was looking for: a friend who was fun and loving, a man who wanted to be an involved father, and a devoted Christian who taught Sunday school. The only troubling aspect of their relationship, according to Lisa, was that Steve did not seem to desire her sexually. She assumed his restraint was the result of a decision to save sex for wedlock. Less than a year after they met, Lisa and Steve were married.
In many ways, their marriage was fine, but Steve remained sexually apathetic, making Lisa feel like something was wrong with her. Further, Steve and Dan’s friendship was worrisome. They spent a lot of time together, occasionally going out to clubs until late and often fighting bitterly. Lisa’s friends and parents became concerned, and she had fights with them about Steve, always defending him. When Lisa confronted Steve about his behavior, he blamed her for their difficulties, telling her he would go to marriage counseling only after she went to therapy and made progress on her problems. Eventually, Dan’s wife