South Park and Philosophy: Bigger, Longer, and More Penetrating

By Richard Hanley | Go to book overview

1
May God Strike This
Book Down!

RICHARD HANLEY

Cartman tests God, and surely tempts Him, in “Christian Rock Hard.” He tells the Faith Records executives, “I have never in my life done anything just for the money. If I am lying, may the Lord strike me down right now.” (A nervous Butters tries to put some distance between himself and Cartman.)

I am writing this sentence from about 37,000 feet, on a cross-country flight. My fellow passengers probably wouldn't appreciate this if they knew, but this also provides an interesting opportunity to test (or tempt) God. I challenge to God to strike this book down, right now. To make sure, I hereby take the Lord's name in vain, whatever the holy hell that means, Goddammit.

And while I'm at it, to echo Cartman—when he finds out that Christian albums can't go platinum, only myrrh, and so loses his bet with Kyle—Fuck Jesus! I say again, in case you missed it, Fuck Jesus. And may God strike this book down. And if any Christian ears are bleeding, fuck them, too, and may God strike this book down. And if I'm insincere, may God strike this book down.

Okay, the challenge is issued. What would the result, whichever it may be, show? Well, that's where it's interesting. Because I think God's failure to strike this book down is evidence against his existence. If this book gets published, appears in print, and so forth, I take that as evidence that there is no such thing as God.

-3-

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