South Park and Philosophy: Bigger, Longer, and More Penetrating

By Richard Hanley | Go to book overview

2
Team America: World
Pussies

RICHARD HANLEY

What the hell? South Park has depicted someone taking a dump on Jesus, blood coming out of the Virgin Mary statue's ass, and they can't show Mohammed handing someone a football helmet? See…

There's three kinds of people: dicks, pussies, and assholes. Pussies
think everyone can get along.

But they can't. In Team America: World Police, we learn as much. Alec Baldwin says:

The truth is: Team America fights for the billion-dollar corporations.
They are just as bad as the enemies. They… fight.

But Gary Johnston knows better:

Oh, no, we aren't! We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid
dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is
an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked
by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes, assholes who just want to
shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes
their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick,
with some balls. The problem with dicks is, sometimes they fuck
too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate, and it takes a pussy
to show 'em that. But sometimes, pussies get so full of shit that
they become assholes themselves. Because pussies are only an
inch and half away from assholes. I don't know much in this
crazy, crazy world, but I do know: If you don't let us fuck this

-13-

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