People Styles at Work -- And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better

By Robert Bolton; Dorothy Grover Bolton | Go to book overview

CHAPTER 17

Style-Based Parenting

YOU MAY RECALL from the last chapter that we authors of this book, an Analytical and an Amiable, are a married couple. Our blended family includes seven adult kids who are distributed across all four people styles. Ditto for our sixteen grandkids. Our immersion in the often-bewildering realities of family life provide us with convincing evidence that we are not experts on childrearing! In the process of applying the people styles model to our family, however, we’ve learned a few things we wish we’d known many years ago. This chapter summarizes some of these learnings.


ACCEPT THAT RAISING KIDS IS TOUGH

There’s a myth that having children helps a marriage. But think about it. In terms of timing, the first child often arrives on the scene after the attraction phase of a couple’s relationship has worn off. The new parents need to give the baby much of the attention they once devoted to each other. They’re often tired and irritable from being up much of the night with a crying infant. They can’t go out as freely as they once did, and the husband may be jealous of all the attention diverted from him to the baby. Daniel Gilbert, a Harvard University professor of psychology, reviewed several studies and concluded that marital satisfaction decreases dramatically after the birth of the first child and doesn’t improve until the last child has left home. After examining data from several studies, the

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