Playing the Lying Game: Detecting and Dealing with Lies and Liars, from Occasional Fibbers to Frequent Fabricators

By Gini Graham Scott | Go to book overview

CHAPTER 10
When Men and Women
Lie—The Dating Game

Another common area for lying is the dating and mating game. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons it provokes so much lying — because it’s a kind of game. People negotiate and bargain over whether there will be a relationship and what kind it will be.

People lie to themselves about what they want and whether the person they are seeing really fits this image. They lie to get to see someone — or to get out of a meeting. There are lies about making and breaking dates. Once people are dating, there can be lies to avoid intimacy. People who are dating or trying to date may lie to exaggerate their prestige, power, or personality.

And then there are the lies — more commonly committed by the male — to get sex or more sex or better sex.

Men use strategies such as the normalcy argument (i.e., “Sure, everyone is doing it ”); hiding their marital status; concealing some type of deviant sexual interest or illness; or pretending to use birth control devices. Women may counter with their own form of sexual lying — telling the man how great he is when he isn’t.

Both may lie about not seeing others to preserve an illusion of true loyalty. Finally, there are the most bitter lies of all, which can destroy a relationship, or often occur as the relationship is falling apart. These are the lies about money, the lies during fights, and the lies about endings — often committed because people hate confronting each other or the truth when things are breaking up.

Dating is also the arena where you are especially likely to see the differences in different types of liars emerge. On the one hand, the models of absolute integrity and the straight shooters will be much more likely to keep it honest and real; they are more likely to be who they say they are, and they

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