XIII

Two years passed, and Philip was nearly twelve. He was in the first form, within two or three places of the top, and after Christmas when several boys would be leaving for the senior school he would be head boy. He had already quite a collection of prizes, worthless books on bad paper, but in gorgeous bindings decorated with the arms of the school: his position had freed him from bullying, and he was not unhappy. His fellows forgave him his success because of his deformity.

"After all, it's jolly easy for him to get prizes," they said, "there's nothing he can do but swat."

He had lost his early terror of Mr. Watson. He had grown used to the loud voice, and when the headmaster's heavy hand was laid on his shoulder Philip discerned vaguely the intention of a caress. He had the good memory which is more useful for scholastic achievements than mental power, and he knew Mr. Watson expected him to leave the preparatory school with a scholarship.

But he had grown very self-conscious. The new-born child does not realise that his body is more a part of himself than surrounding objects, and will play with his toes without any feeling that they belong to him more than the rattle by his side; and it is only by degrees, through pain, that he understands the fact of the body. And experiences of the same kind are necessary for the individual to become conscious of himself; but here there is the difference that, although everyone becomes equally conscious of his body as a separate and complete organism, everyone does not become equally conscious of himself as a complete and separate personality. The feeling of apartness from others comes to most with puberty, but it is not always devolped to such a degree as to make the difference between the individual and his fellows noticeable to the individual. It is such as he, as little conscious of himself

-53-

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Of Human Bondage
Table of contents

Table of contents

  • Title Page *
  • I 1
  • II 3
  • III 6
  • IV 11
  • V 15
  • VI 19
  • VII 25
  • VIII 28
  • IX 33
  • X 39
  • XI 43
  • XII 49
  • XIII 53
  • XIV 56
  • XV 62
  • XVI 69
  • XVII 76
  • XVIII 82
  • XIX 86
  • XX 91
  • XXI 96
  • XXII 107
  • XXIII 111
  • XXIV 117
  • XXV 119
  • XXVI 122
  • XXVII 130
  • XXVIII 136
  • XXIX 143
  • XXX 146
  • XXXI 153
  • XXXII 156
  • XXXIII 165
  • XXXIV 175
  • XXXV 181
  • XXXVI 190
  • XXXVII 195
  • XXXVIII 201
  • XXXIX 208
  • XL 213
  • XLI 221
  • XLII 230
  • XLIII 236
  • XLIV 244
  • XLV 252
  • XLVI 261
  • XLVII 267
  • XLVIII 277
  • XLIX 286
  • L 294
  • LI 302
  • LII 307
  • LIII 315
  • LIV 321
  • LV 327
  • LVI 334
  • LVII 339
  • LVIII 345
  • LIX 353
  • LX 361
  • LXI 365
  • LXII 371
  • LXIII 377
  • LXIV 382
  • LXV 387
  • LXVI 391
  • LXVII 398
  • LXVIII 404
  • LXIX 410
  • LXX 419
  • LXXI 427
  • LXXII 433
  • LXXIII 439
  • LXXIV 448
  • LXXV 455
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  • LXXVII 470
  • LXXVIII 474
  • LXXIX 481
  • LXXX 489
  • LXXXI 494
  • LXXXII 503
  • LXXXIII 507
  • LXXXIV 513
  • LXXXV 520
  • LXXXVI 526
  • LXXXVII 531
  • LXXXVIII 540
  • LXXXIX 548
  • XC 552
  • XCI 559
  • XCII 563
  • XCIII 570
  • XCIV 576
  • XCV 585
  • XCVI 593
  • XCVII 601
  • XCVIII 607
  • Xcix 614
  • C 618
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  • Civ 641
  • Cv 646
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  • Cvii 661
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  • Cix 676
  • Cx 684
  • Cxi 690
  • Cxii 697
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  • Cxiv 710
  • Cxv 716
  • Cxvi 722
  • Cxvii 730
  • Cxviii 736
  • Cxix 744
  • Cxx 750
  • Cxxi 756
  • Cxxii 763
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