LXV

HAYWARD'S visit did Philip a great deal of good. Each day his thoughts dwelt less on Mildred. He looked back upon the past with disgust. He could not understand how he had submitted to the dishonour of such a love; and when he thought of Mildred it was with angry hatred, because she had submitted him to so much humiliation. His imagination presented her to him now with her defects of person and manner exaggerated, so that he shuddered at the thought of having been connected with her.

"It just shows how damned weak I am," he said to himself. The adventure was like a blunder that one had committed at a party so horrible that one felt nothing could be done to excuse it: the only remedy was to forget. His horror at the degradation he had suffered helped him. He was like a snake casting its skin and he looked upon the old covering with nausea. He exulted in the possession of himself once more; he realised how much of the delight of the world he had lost when he was absorbed in that madness which they called love; he had had enough of it; he did not want to be in love any more if love was that. Philip told Hayward something of what he had gone through.

"Wasn't it Sophocles," he asked, "who prayed for the time when he would be delivered from the wild beast of passion that devoured his heart-strings?"

Philip seemed really to be born again. He breathed the circumambient air as though he had never breathed it before, and he took a child's pleasure in all the facts of the world. He called his period of insanity six months' hard labour.

Hayward had only been settled in London a few days when Philip received from Blackstable, where it had been sent, a card for a private view at some picture gallery. He

-387-

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Of Human Bondage
Table of contents

Table of contents

  • Title Page *
  • I 1
  • II 3
  • III 6
  • IV 11
  • V 15
  • VI 19
  • VII 25
  • VIII 28
  • IX 33
  • X 39
  • XI 43
  • XII 49
  • XIII 53
  • XIV 56
  • XV 62
  • XVI 69
  • XVII 76
  • XVIII 82
  • XIX 86
  • XX 91
  • XXI 96
  • XXII 107
  • XXIII 111
  • XXIV 117
  • XXV 119
  • XXVI 122
  • XXVII 130
  • XXVIII 136
  • XXIX 143
  • XXX 146
  • XXXI 153
  • XXXII 156
  • XXXIII 165
  • XXXIV 175
  • XXXV 181
  • XXXVI 190
  • XXXVII 195
  • XXXVIII 201
  • XXXIX 208
  • XL 213
  • XLI 221
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  • XLIII 236
  • XLIV 244
  • XLV 252
  • XLVI 261
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  • XLVIII 277
  • XLIX 286
  • L 294
  • LI 302
  • LII 307
  • LIII 315
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  • LXV 387
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