I Lived inside the Campus Revolution

By William Tulio Divale; James Joseph | Go to book overview

9. Breakup

I WANTED out.

I felt dirty inside. For more than four years I'd been living a lie. I'd slept with the Movement, taken to my bed its most fervent philosophy and some of its most passionate women, and when the encounters were concluded, I had been guilty of betrayal. Like an addict going for the needle, I had reached for the Bureau's tape recorder, inserted one of the Bureau's tapes and told all. It was as tawdry as an errant husband recounting the details of an affair just concluded with his mistress, five minutes after sneaking home and climbing into his own connubial bed. My mistress--the Movement--had become my wife. I was wedded to it spiritually and psychologically. I wanted a divorce--from the FBI.

Our breakup had begun the previous fall at the start of my senior year at UCLA. Sometime during that fall quarter I had told Ted A'Hern, my handler, that this would be my final year. At graduation, the following June, I was quitting. I wanted to break clean, cut my ties with the Bureau as casually as they had begun, and simply lay our relationship to rest.

Subtly, Ted had tried to dissuade me. "We were thinking," he'd say, "that when you went on to graduate school you'd want to continue."

But my own turn of mind as to where America and the Movement were and where both were headed--our clandestine meetings now had become verbal jousts--had apparently convinced him. Word that I would quit after graduation had filtered through channels to J. Edgar Hoover's headquarters in Washington; to the Attorney General; to the Department of Justice.

One day, in mid-January, Ted remarked casually, "A fellow from

-143-

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I Lived inside the Campus Revolution
Table of contents

Table of contents

  • Title Page iii
  • Contents v
  • Introduction: Inside The Campus Revolution vii
  • I Lived Inside the Campus. Revolution xxix
  • 1. Making of a Fink 1
  • 2. Commitment to Communism 21
  • 3. the Black Rose Queen 47
  • 4. Eyewitness to Genocide 65
  • 5. the Demarcation 81
  • 6. Secret War for Sds 97
  • 7. the Politics of Confrontation 117
  • 8. Up from Revolution 131
  • 9. Breakup 143
  • 10. the Angela Davis Affair 163
  • 11. Days of Rage--And Roses 187
  • 12- Who's Who in Campus Activism 201
  • Index 245
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